MoneyHoni!
by maryjblige4evr
Summary: What happens when Honi becomes a stripper? Get's better, I promise! So PLEASE READ! Or me and my  imaginary  friends Mandorz and Bai-chanshall destroy you!:
1. Chapter 1

Hello my friends! My new story! This one is a HoniMori one(Haruhi can suck it)! What happens when The Host Club finds out Honi is a stripper for rich people? Read and find out, bitchez!

Diclaimer: If owned anything, Haruhi would be a lesbian! P.S. I stole Honi's stripper name from a Lady Gaga song title, plz don't kill me Gaga!

Warning: Gayness ahead. Don't like? Read anyway. Your pain amuses me.

Mori P.O.V.

Mistkuni has been acting weird lately. For starters, he flinches slightly when he sits down. His new fashion sense includes shorts two sizes two small for him. And he now walks and talks in a manner that gives me an….erection…..(A.N. lol I make him sound like a fancy British prude! Sorry for naughtyness! I swear I'm done with such naughty words!) It's just so….weird…. He never acts this way. He's not being my Mitskuni.(A.N. For a buck fifty he might be lolz!)

So I try to take my mind off it for a while. Which works out pretty well seeing as I'm outraged that Tamaki dragged me to a strip club. He and the other hosts(besides Haruhi) are here to enjoy the show. Even Renge is hiding outside watching us through binoculars, the freakin' stalker. Although I must admit I find it ironic that the guys who spend all day entertaining young GIRLS all turn out to be gay. Well, except for Mistkuni. I was pretty sure he was straight, considering the way he looked at the girls in his class. That is, until the announcer man called out the next hoo- I mean, miracle worker(A.N. XD). 'And now, our best performer here, MoneyHoni!' My jaw dropped. That's what Honi said his stripper name would be if he was one. How do I know that? I ask naughty questions,*Blush*. And there he was, in nothing but a zebra-striped thong and cowboy boots(A.N.I have NO idea what stripper's wear, even though my friends are convinced I am one, Which I'm NOT! usually.) and a sexy grin. Look at Kyouya snickering in the back! He knew about this! Which doesn't surprise me, he's more of a stalker than Renge.

Outside

Renge pondered what she just heard from Mori's brain(OMG SHE'S PSHYCIC EVERYBODY RUN!) with her brain reading device(Nevermind she's just a rich motha with cool stuff). 'Hmmmmm…' she thought. 'If Kyouya presents a threat to my reputation as biggest stalker in school, then HE might get another picture in the year book and not me! I must DESTROY HIM!' And so Renge went to plot with her three bowls of rice.

And we're back inside! Now Honi's point of view.

I think I'm going to faint. My cousin is watching me pole dance and is getting turned on by it. I can tell because he's twitching. I bet no one would have ever guessed either. Mitskuni Honinozuka is a stripper. It's not that I like to be dirty, I just like the attention. Plus, when does one ever get a chance to pole dance in public?(A.N. I know I have that problem.) Oh well, if my cousin wants to be a perv, then let him. He's kinda cute- STOP! He's your cousin and besides, you don't NEED a man! Grr. Stupid inner monologue. Curse you, brain!

Back to Mori

I can't watch this anymore, I'm leaving. And with that I strode out of the room, only to have to come back in and get my keys.

Me: Tada! What do ya think of my story? I don't think Honi will be a stripper for long….

Mandorz: Worried someone will steal your thunder, Aunt PUSS PUSS?

Me: go away twin/best friend! Only clients get to call me that.

Mandorz: What clients?

Me: Injured ones, I'm a lawyer.

Mandorz:Suuuurre you are…..

Me: You suck!

Any way, review please! Thank You!


	2. Drama and integration!

**I'm baaackkk! Hello my friendly readers! Second Chapter!**

**Bai Bai: Yay I'm in da story!**

**Me: Not for long**

**Bai Bai: Why nooooootttt?**

**Me: Cuz you say mean things about my story**

**Bai Bai: I'm just being honest**

**Mandorz: No your being a meanie face**

**Bai Bai: Am not!**

**Mandorz: Are too!**

**Me: I need therapy**

**Anyway enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: If owned it, I'd use the money for therapy**

**Bai Bai and Mandorz: Damn straight!**

**Me: Sigh.**

Chapter Two from MY P.O.V

Mori's world was slowly spiraling out of control. His true love Honi(who else?) was a stripper and his best friend Haruhi turned out to be a lesbian!(A.N. Me: Take that Bai Bai! Bai Bai: You suck!)

Haruhi: I just don't find guys appealing. So I hooked up with one of the Lobelia chicks instead. She said she'd move here to Ouran.

Mori:…..Ew.

Haruhi: Go suck a-(Don't finish that sentence Hauhi!)

Mori:*GLARE*

Haruhi:*runs screaming*

And in comes the stripper of the hour-Honi!

Honi: Hey, Takashi.

Mori:…

Honi: Look, I can explain-

Mori: There's nothing to explain. You're a whore, let's leave it at that.

Honi's eyes glistened with tears. He had hoped, _prayed_ that his Mori would understand. Mori felt his heart break in two as he watched poor little Honi run away crying. He felt so guilty. He ran after Honi looking for him.

Meanwhile, in Renge's basement

Renge:Soo, you want to steal my position as school's stalker, hmm?

Kyouya: Mmmmphhh!

Kyouya was tied to a chair while being interrogated by Renge. She held a carebear and looked at Kyouya threateningly.

Renge: I'm sorry, Kyouya, there's no way of handling this differently, goodbye.

And with that she beat him to death with a care bear(A.N. the care bear had lead and spike in it. Curse you toy factories!)

The next week, back at school

Hauhi sat in her new lover Sonya's lap.

Sonya: Hey Haruhi?

Haruhi: yeah?

Sonya: Why are there no black people here?

Haruhi sat upright.

Haruhi: What?

Sonya: it's just, I never see any(A.N. Has anyone noticed that from the show? Japan's totally racist!

I know! I'll make Sonya black! Yay!)

Haruhi: Well, your black. (Told ya I would do it.)

Sonya: Ya, but I'm like the only one.

Haruhi: hmmm, I know! Let's make the school interracial!

Haruhi and Sonya: Yay!

In the abandoned music room

Honi quietly walked in, looking around to make sure that no one was there. Sighing with relief he closed the door, locked it, and began to cry. Mori had hurt him really badly. So he decided to make new friends. Even though he succeeded, Eddy, Joseph, Nicolette, Gary, and Bunifah could never fill the void that Mori made. Oustide the music room, Mori sat in a bathroom stall, ready to end his life. Most of the Host Club was busy with relationships(KyouTama, HikaKaoru, HaruSonya) and he had no other friends to go to. He even tried hanging out with his guests from the host club, but they weren't interested unless Honi was there. And he saw the group Honi was with. The guys eyed him hungrily while the only other black chick(besides Sonya) Bunifah was only there so she could whatever she wanted. Plus the group liked her Ghetto charm. Mori was all alone in the world. So he decided, he would either win Honi back, or he would kill himself.

**Soo? What did you think? Lol I chose Bunifah and Sonya as OC's because I call my cousin Sonya and All my friends and their mamma's, and im not even kidding about that one, call me bunifah. Or Aunt PUSS PUSS.**

**Bunifah: Ghetto charm? So because I'm BLACK you automatically think I'm ghetto?**

**Me: Quiet Bunifah Aunt PUSS PUSS is going to therapy**

**Bunifah Mandorz and Bai Bai: NO!**

**Me: AHHHH!**

**Wow. Only I could get tackled by the voices in my head**

**Voices: Damn straight!**

**Me: Sigh.**

**So comment and review.**

**And vote!**

**Should Honi:**

**A.) stay with his group**

**B.) go back to Mori **

**C.) Leave the Host club permanently and go to Mexico?**

**Vote now, DANGIT!**


	3. Badass Honi and implied country music!

**Hello everyone! This chapter is gonna be more serious than my other ones, but still funny! **

**Bai Bai: I'm funny!**

**Me: No, your sick and want Mori to be straight.**

**Bai Bai: What's wrong with that?**

**Me: Cuz then it would be based off you and-**

**Bai Bai: SHUT UP!**

**Me: Jeez, such an attitude!**

**Bai Bai: Damn straight!**

**Me: Anyway, enjoy my fruitaliscious story**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the word fruitaliscious**

**Bai Bai: no you don't, me and Emi do**

**Me: shut up**

**Bai Bai: such an-**

**Me: Don't you dare**

**Bai Bai: lol**

**By the way, the polls will still be up after this chapter.**

Honi

Honey had finally stopped crying. And his sadness was replaced with anger. ANGER! He stormed out of the Host Club. When he found Mori, he went Ape-(Bai Bai: stop this is a clean story Me: yeah right).

Mori

Mori didn't expect Honi's tiny foot collided with his face.

Honi: You stole my happy! You made me cry! (lol been hearing that song a lot lately)

Mori staggered as he got kicked again in a…..different place, if you will. In his heart, Mori knew he deserved this. He deserved all of it. After a few minutes, Honi stopped and broke down crying.

Honi: Takashi, I can't be around you for a while. So please just don't talk to me. I'm taking a break from the Host Club, too. I'll talk to you when I'm ready. But remember your still my cousin and I don't want to hurt you, so don't do anything stupid, got it?

Mori: *nods head while silently Crying*

Honi: Good.

And with that Honi left, but not before giving his older cousin a kiss on the forehead. Somehow Mori found comfort in that. Honi still cared about him. He just needed his space. And that's what Mori was gonna give him, Space.

**Well, what do ya think? I didn't wanna get too into it cuz I wanna get into more detail with other characters.**

**Bunifah: You better be talkin' about me!**

**Me: Yes I was Bunifah**

**Bunifah: Good.**

**Me: *sigh***

**Anyway, the polls are still up, so vote! This time there is an added choice!**

**A.) Honi leaves Mori for good**

**B.) Mori and Honi get back together**

**C.) Honi leaves the school**

**D.) Mori kills himself**

**I personally hope to God you don't pick D, but hey, it's your choice! Well, what are you waiting for? Vote!**

**Bunifah: Vote Dammit!**


	4. New people and Demon Lords!

Hello again my pretties! New Chapter! 

Kyouya: You bitch you killed me!

Me: Crap! He's gonna kill me!

Bunifah: *hits Kyouya with frying pan* Its MY turn to kill the author!

Me: O.o

Help meh please!

Bai Bai: no one will help you!

Me: crap.

Enjoy the chapter

Disclaimer: please, I don't even own the voices in my head!

**In the music room, Haruhi and Sonya show the club their new friends!**

**Haruhi: Guys, meet Latisha!**

**A girl with long wavy brown hair stepped forward. **

**Latisha: Hello everyone.**

**Host club: Welcome!**

**Sonya: Next is Shedonda!**

**A guy with braids stepped forward.**

**Shedonda: I told you to stop calling me that! My name is Tristan!**

**Host Club: O.o**

**Sonya: YOUR NAME IS SHEDONDA!**

**Shedonda: T.T**

**Haruhi; And this is Tim!**

**A guy dressed in rainbow colors and an afro stepped forward.**

**Host club: Welcome!**

**Tim: Im not even in high school…..**

**Haruhi and Sonya: Silence!**

**Tamaki: Dearest Haruhi! I can't possibly act like my usual self! My dear Kyouya has gone missing!**

***Ground shakes***

**Host club: AAAAHHHH!**

***Floor breaks and evil kyouya steps out***

**Tamaki: Kyouya! Your alive! *glomp***

**Kyouya: Where is that bitch Renge?**

**Hikaru: She said something about killing Matthew McConaughey.**

**Renge walks in holding Matthew McConaughey's head.**

**Renge: Ha! And that bitch Stewie thinks he's all that! Well who's laughing- *gasp!* Kyouya!**

**Kyouya: RAAAAWWWWRRRR!**

**Renge: Squeak!**

**Renge runs away and hides in her basement.**

**Kyouya: *smirks* That'll teach the bitch.**

**Kyouya then proceeds to passionately kiss Tamaki.**

**Kyouya: I've been waiting for you my sweet.**

**Tamaki:*faints***

**Host Club: O.o**

**Hikaru: *turns to Kaoru* I've been neglecting you my dearest brother! *Tackles Kaoru***

**The rest of the Host Club and their new friends leave the couple to themselves. For three hours. Alone. In the music room. Behind a locked door. I'm naughty!**

**Haruhi: I am NOT cleaning up after them.**

**Host Club: hahahahaha!**

**Sonya: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!**

**Host Club: O.O**

**Haruhi: be afraid, be VERY AFRAID.**

**And there ya have it! Hope you enjoyed the story! Last time to vote! Next chapter is when the honimori takes place! And good news! My new pills keep me from hearing voices! For now….MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**They do not, however, stop my bi-polarness.**

**Review DANGIT!**


	5. Suicide and Disguised Gingers!

I'm Baaaaccckkk! I have a happy feeling thanks to therapy!

Bai Bai: That's wonderful!1

Me: And it's gone…..

Bai Bai: mean!

Me: That's it!

*Hits Bai Bai with fancy spoon*

Bai Bai: OW!

Me: Anyhoodles, enjoy the story

Disclaimer: I tried to own it, but I got sued and shot in the ankle by Renge

Renge: Hehehehehe!

Mori

Mori was sinking even further into depression as Honi continued to ignore him. He spent many nights curled up in bed, crying his eyes out. His normally composed self was a nervous wreck. He started getting desperate. He even resorted to following around Honi during school. (Renge almost shot him for that.) He didn't how much more he could take.

Honi

Honi was almost completely over his anger with Takashi. _'It wasn't even that big of a deal, really.' _thought Honi, '_Hell, I'd be mad too if I saw my cousin dancing provocatively on a pole.'_

Honi had made up his mind, he was going to-

SMACK! Honi had just ran into Jo, also known as LAWANDA, his old karate partner. Only, he looked a bit different since last time Honi saw him. His white hair had been dyed a midnight black color, and his hazel eyes seemed to look older. All and all, he seemed much older than he really was. Jo's eyes lit up when he saw Honi. He picked him up and squeezed him as hard as he could. "Haninozuka! How have been?" At least his personality hadn't changed. He _still_ had WAY too much energy. But still, Honi had missed him. They sat outside for a while and talked, mostly about their classes and their home lives, but, as what always comes up in akward conversations.

Jo: Sooo, you got a girlfriend?

Honi: I'm gay Jo, don't you remember me telling you that?

Jo: Oh yeah! So do you have a boyfriend?

Honi:….

Jo: I'll take that as a no.

Mori 

Mori couldn't take it anymore. He missed his Mitskuni! He raced off to go find him.

Honi

After several moments of silence, Jo did something very brave.

Jo: *sigh* Honi, I have something to tell you.

Honi: What is it Jo?

Jo's Thoughts: _Oh god, he's looking at me with those big brown eyes, how can I even begin to tell him how I feel?_

Suddenly, Jo knew how Takashi felt. That want, that desire building up inside of him, and never acting on it. He took a deep breath, hoping his heart didn't explode before he got a chance to talk.

Jo: Honi, I love you

And with that Jo leaned in and stole Honi's very first kiss. Honi felt a warmth erupt from his body. A fire that could heat the icy coldness of his heart. It felt so good, but not quite right. He expected bigger arms holding him, shorter hair to grab, grey eyes to search his soul, not gold ones.

Mori

Mori watched in horror as Honi's first kiss was stolen from Mori. He felt tears well up and sting the corners of his eyes. The emptyness, the horrid emptyness was back. It consumed him, poisoned him. Filled his mind with evil impure thoughts of what he was going to do to that awful man who defiled Honi's precious lips. Mori knew he couldn't stay at Ouran. He couldn't stay anywhere. The burning fires of hell seemed welcome to him. He ran to the music room, where the silver revolver lay hidden in his backpack.

Honi

Honi saw Mori run away and knew what he was planning. Honi pushed Jo off of him and ran as fast as he could after Mori. When Honi arrived in the music room, after smashing the handle with his foot, he entered to the startling, horrific sight of Mori with a gun to his head.

**OMG a cliffhangeeeerrrr! Sorry but I really wanted to post soon and I'm running out of ideas. Buuuuuttttt if you vote on the poll I put up on my profile page I might get more ideas. LIKE MAGIC! Btw, Jo is an oc I based off one of my friends. Except, Jo isn't brunette. He's a ginger. A GINGEEERRR! Lol, I don't see why people make a big deal out of that. If u don't know what I mean go type in GINGERS DO HAVE SOULS! On utube and tell me what you think. My new pills should keep the voices away for now, but my turrets are acting up a bit. SHUT THE F*** UP!**

**Comment and Review**

**Lucifer: OR DIE!**

**Me: Shut up Lucifer! No one cares what you think!**

**Lucifer: =….{**


	6. Kicks and Kisses Make Everything Better

**Omg hello everybody! I just got over being sick and I'm in a good mood so I figured I should wrap up this motha! I ran out of pills and my doctor thinks I'm addicted so no more pills for me. :{ Anyway the results are in and there will be no last minute voting! **

**Bai Bai: Yay! I got to vote!**

**Me: yes but you were mean so I didn't count your vote**

**Bai Bai: mean.**

**Lucifer: YOUR PUNY SOULS SHALL BURN FOR AN ETERNITY WITH ME! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-**

**Me: LUCIFER! What did I tell you? You're grounded for standing up that poor girl!(There you go Maria Starlight and Kristy!)**

**Lucifer: She tried to kill me!**

**Me: That's what you get**

**Anyway Enjoy!**

**Owning things is overrated, which is why I own nothing!**

Me watching from above!

Honi: TAKASHI!

Mori looked up and saw Honi, mouth open and eyes wide with shock, staring at him. He stood up.

Honi: Why would you even THINK about doing something like this?

Mori:…..

Honi: Mori, put the gun down please

Mori:…

Honi: PLEASE!

Mori:…

Honi: FINE! KILL YOURSELF! THE SAFETY'S ON ANYWAY!

Mori pulled the gun away from his head and checked the safety. It was off. Honi took this opportunity to kick the gun out of his hand and smack him right across the face. Mori was in rage.

Mori: FINE! DO YOU KNOW WHY I WAS GONNA SHOOT MYSELF, HMM? BEACAUSE I SAW YOU KISSING JO! JO! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU KISS LAWANDA? HE'S A JERK! AND FOR SOME REASON YOU LOVE HIM! WELL GUESS WHAT BLONDIE, I LOVE YOU TOO!

Mori felt his throat close up and knew he would probably never talk again. Which was fine with him because a second later Honi had his arms around him and was kissing him passionately.

Mori: *moan*

Honi pulled back from the kiss

Honi: How could you think that I loved Jo more than you? I mean, the guy calls himself Lawanda for Christ's sake. The point is, I love Mori, and I always will.

Mori leaned in for another kiss, his life finally complete.

**Yay! What a happy ending! Only it's not the ending. Maybe if your good I'll write an epilogue for my story. I probably will, I wanna create a happy ending for all! So yeah hope you enjoyed my story.**

**Me and the Voices: DAMN STRAIGHT!**


End file.
